My Journey Back From The Crazy.

A few facts:  I’m a woman; women sometimes act crazy; I went a little crazy.  Luckily I had my super awesome friend and the help of her super awesome new husband to talk me down from the crazy ledge.  We were talking about my last post (rant is more accurate) about the plan-ahead gene that seems to be missing from the male population at large.  She said, “I totally agree with you.”  Her husband said, “Maybe you’re putting a little too much thought into this.”  Interesting.  Turns out men do indeed know men best, and literally while this conversation with them was taking place, I got a text message from This Guy asking about our date for the evening.  The date was semi-planned on Sunday (i.e. “yeah, Wednesday sounds good!”) but because of the lack of time and place specifics, I was left scratching my head – are we going out or aren’t we?  If I venture into the scary land of male brain for a second, I’m guessing here is what he was thinking: “We agreed on Sunday that we were going out on Wednesday.  Now it’s Wednesday, I should probably figure out when and where and let her know.” 

So – Wednesday night was the first official date with This Guy, where both of us knew it was a date.  I noticed myself putting more thought into getting ready because 1) I like This Guy and 2) I knew for sure it was a date.  Side note, getting ready for dates is fun – picking out an outfit, putting on a little extra makeup and making sure my hair looks just right usually results in a little boost of confidence, which has the added benefit of calming my nerves just enough.  Add in the fact that it’s finally spring in New York and I no longer have to wear puffy coats and snow boots, and I usually walk into a date feeling like a champ. 

We met for dinner and just like the non-date/half-date, conversation was relaxed, easy, and full of laughter.  This Guy really makes me laugh, and I make him laugh too.  He’s just such a happy and positive guy, it’s different than what I’ve known in the past. I asked him if there was anything that made him mad – bullying was his answer.  Agreed – ain’t nobody got time for bullies.  Because I’ve know This Guy for a few months, conversation feels a little more in depth than what an average first date may include.  Past loves, family relationships, what we want for the future – it felt like nothing was off the table.

We ended the official first date in the same way the non-date/half-date ended, with a lovely little kiss - no homeless man serenade this time though.  Another thing I like about This Guy, he texts to make sure I get home safely.  Aw, sweet right?  I am pretty sure there will be an official second date with This Guy, but I’m going to do my best to make sure my last trip to crazy town was a one time thing, and give this whole process less thought in general (thanks super awesome friend’s husband!).  Oh, and speaking of what happens when you aren't stuck in your fog of crazy, News Guy and I have been in communication as well - we have tentative plans for next week (which I am actively not obsessing about, as of right now).  This Dater's Mama comes for a visit today, so no dates on the calendar for an entire week and plenty of time to not think about dating!   

The Mysteriously Vanishing Second Date.

I knew it was coming… dating isn’t all hearts and butterflies and giggly conversation.  It can be down right annoying.  I’m doing my best to let go of control, but I don’t understand why men have such a hard time planning ahead.  Or is that a sign that the people I’m interested in dating just “aren’t that into me” and some men actually do plan ahead?  They say they want to go out again, they text the next day saying “let’s go out again,” but then they don’t make plans to actually go out again.  What gives, dudes?  This isn’t just a one-man phenomenon, it happens nearly every time for me with every single date.  I guess if it happens again and again, then it’s really time to look at my behavior.  Perhaps I’m sending off some kind of “I say I want to go out with you again but I really don’t so don’t bother asking” signal. 

Here is my sure-fire-swoon-worthy dating advice to men everywhere.  If you like a girl, plan a second date!!  Like actually plan one, with a time and a place and say “does that work for you?”  “Ok, great, I’ll see you there then,” and then the day before, “looking forward to seeing you tomorrow” and then the day of you can even say “(silly anecdote about your day) and I’m excited to tell you about it in a few hours.”  For real, tell me, please, someone tell me, am I asking too much?  Is this just not the way it works anymore?  Am I supposed to be ok with this now that I’m in my thirties?  But what if I want a man who looks at his calendar on Monday and says “Oh goody, I’m free on Thursday night and I would love to take that awesome gal out on a date to my favorite spot.  Let me call her now and see if she’s free.” 

As of right now, I’m disappointed with both News Guy and This Guy.  And The Midwesterner, well, haven’t heard a peep out of him since date one.  UGH.  This Dater's Tuesday night is for the birds! 

About That Greener Grass...

This weekend was all about what happens in life after dating.  This Dater headed to Austin to celebrate a bunch of things with a bunch of friends – a baby shower for one good friend and a wedding for another good friend.  I have known both of these amazing women for a few years now and have seen them each go through ups and downs with relationships and life in general and, I have to say, it just feels nice to see the people you love so happy.  And these gals were happy gals.

In the past (eh-hem, even very recent past) a weekend like this would have been a swirl of “I’m so happy for them but I’m so sad for me and woe is me and when is it MY turn.”  But I am pleased to report that this one was more “I’m SO happy for them, and happy for me too because not only do I have them in my life as super awesome lady friends, I’ll get to share my celebratory life moments with them someday!”  It was sort of cool to realize that it’s ok to be happy for people and it’s also ok to admit that you want a little of what they have – and wanting things for your life doesn’t have to mean you are sad and mopey about where your life is now.    

I will admit to a little green grass thinking – maybe it’s time for a move to the suburbs, maybe it’s time to buy a grown up house, maybe it’s time for a kitchen table… but when I got home today to my studio apartment I realized I am right where I need to be.  I get to travel to see great friends.  I get to cuddle other people’s babies and give them back when they start to cry.  I get to flirt at weddings and go home when I get tired.  I get to sleep sideways in my bed because there is no one else hogging it.  I get to do all of these things because right now I’m single.  And while I don’t want to be single forever, for right now it’s just fine.   

Date, Non-Date, or Half-Date?

What do you do when you have a really really great first date?  I can’t stop thinking about it – but not in an obsessive, I hope I did everything right way.  I can’t stop thinking about it because it was so good, and I want to go back and be in those moments again.  I met This Guy a few months ago, and we started talking as friends.  We went out to lunch once.  We texted.  He asked me out via text.  And my reply was “no,” – I told him asking a woman out via text was no way to treat a lady, but in truth I wasn’t quite sure I was ready to go on a date with him.

I met This Guy for dinner last night, not knowing if it was a date or not.  Because we know each other a little already, there was some teasing about the date/non-date issue, and we agreed it could be our first half-date.  This Guy admitted to having a crush on me for months, and I admitted the same about him.  When was the last time I had a crush?  A butterflies in the stomach, smile when I think about him, I wonder what he’s doing right now kind of crush?  It certainly has been a while.  Dating and crushing don’t always go together as I am learning, but man it’s good when they do. 

So here’s what I like about This Guy:  he’s smart, he’s funny, he’s ambitious and excited about all of the crazy new business ideas in his head, he’s a MAN (not sure how else to describe this quality – slightly older, confident, looks like he would protect you against unwanted advances from other men and bears in the woods), he’s charming, and he compliments me.  ME!?!  It feels silly to write, but it’s nice to hear a man tell you he thinks you are beautiful, especially when you don’t necessarily feel it for yourself. 

We had dinner, and then we had dessert, and then we walked around even though it was getting kind of late - This Guy and I were both trying to find excuses not to go home on a Wednesday night.  We finally decided to call it, but not before being serenaded on a street corner with a looooooong version of “My Girl” by a wandering (likely homeless) street performer.  Neither of us had any cash, so This Guy offered up his Metro Card.  Just before I got in a car to go home, we had the perfect date/non-date first kiss.   

When In Doubt, Go On The Date.

Last night I went on my first date with News Guy.  He was an online find, and to be honest I wasn’t particularly looking forward to the date.  Nothing to do with him, but it was a rainy New York Monday evening, and I felt more like putting on sweat pants back at my apartment than putting on the charm in a dimly lit bar.  News Guy works as a cameraman for a well-known TV network.  He had so many interesting stories about his work, and I felt a pang of jealousy hearing about his adventures with apartment dwelling tigers and subway cats.  I skipped the powerpoint and excel stories from my job and instead went with the story about the time my dad took me to a rolling stones concert when I was about 14 and there were two old ladies behind us smoking a joint.   

One awesome thing I learned on my date with News Guy is that you can indeed go to a bar in New York City, order a non-alcoholic beverage, and not be looked at like you have two heads.  Seriously, not one comment or question from him or the bartender.  Dating without drinking is definitely new territory for me, and so far I am finding that I am much more aware of it than anyone else is.  Which is a very good thing.  Not only am I a cheaper date, but my head is clear to make good decisions.  For the first time I’m able to focus on whether I like the guy, instead of worrying so much about if the guy likes me. 

I also learned the power of a sense of humor.  News Guy is one of the funniest guys I have talked to in a long time.  His delivery was so dry and sarcastic, there were times when I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or if he was joking – like when he told me about taking Karate lessons as a kid, and how the whole summer his old man teacher made him do chores like paint fences and wash cars and he was like “when am I going to learn Karate!” and then when he got in a fight, he realized the man had been teaching him all along!!  True story from childhood?  Or the plot to Karate Kid?  I really don’t know.  He was so funny that my cheeks hurt a little from laughing as I got in the car to go home.  I think I even said to my cab driver, “I just went on a first date, the guy was so funny!” to which the driver replied “Holland or Lincoln Tunnel, mam.” 

I really liked News Guy, and will go out with him again if the opportunity arises.  He was kind, cheek-achingly funny, and a gentleman – he opened my car door when it pulled up, kissed my cheek, and told me what a lovely evening he had before sending me on my way. 

And speaking of second dates, I haven’t heard from The Midwesterner.  One of the great things about dating in your thirties – the list of things I potentially did wrong on the date to make him not call is non-existent.  I haven’t spent hours glued to my phone, willing it to ring and double and triple checking that it’s working correctly.  Instead I chalk it up to good practice, and on to the next we go!