Take That, 35!

Guess what has been happening in This Dater’s Life lately?  No dates!  But lots of life.  First things first, I turned my scary age, 35.  And no, I didn’t wake up with forty thousand new wrinkles and my reproductive organs did not fall out.  I spent the weekend with my mom in my “happy place” – a beautiful hotel in upstate New York.  I also coincidentally spent my 34^th birthday in this same place… alone – unless you count alcohol and chocolate cake as guests.  Having a birthday usually comes with a little reflection and to be perfectly honest, 34 was a pretty crappy year.  There was unhappiness in my job, in my relationship, were I was living, and just about everything else in my life.  And self-medicating through various addictions was my way of coping. 

The last few months of 34 started my healing process, but to me there is something about a birthday that makes things more official.  I feel so much happier and optimistic today – at 35 – than I have felt in years.  35 no longer feels like my scary age, it just feels like MY age.  And damn it, 35 is going to be MY year.  It’s not that I think 35 is the year I’m going to find true love, get my dream job, or fulfill all my hopes and dreams.  What I mean is that 35 is the year I’m in the driver's seat, I get to make decisions that contribute to my happiness, and say no to things that don’t.  And if there happens to be career success or love along the way, well that’s just great.      

So what does This Dater do when not dating?  I live!  This week I re-joined a book club after a few month hiatus.  I was hesitant about returning because – while all of the women I had met previously are wonderful – the book club was more about wine than discussing a book.  Once again I learned that I can participate in social situations where drinking is a presumed natural activity and not drink.  And once again I learned that no one seems to care or even notice.  When I think about it logically, if the situation were reversed and I was in a group where someone said, “oh no thanks, I’ll just have club soda,” I would probably be like, “cool, whatever,” and not like, “OMG what is wrong with you!  Don’t you like to have fun?  Are you an alcoholic!!!???”

The other thing I did this weekend had nothing to do with tempting situations, but did produce some pre-activity anxiety.  A few weeks ago I signed up for a volunteer organization called New York Cares, which is a platform for bringing together hundreds of different types of activities all around the city.  My first activity was yesterday – helping Autistic kids with arts and crafts.  I have no experience with Autism, so I wasn’t sure what to expect and I was nervous.  These kids were more amazing and inspiring than I could have ever been prepared for.  It’s true what they say about volunteering – you often walk away having received far more than you’ve actually given. 

Wondering what’s on the agenda for This Dater this week?  Me too!  Another volunteer activity on Wednesday, this time helping women that live in a shelter do some beadwork and jewelry making.  And Friday night is foreign film night with book club women.  Other than that, maybe a spin class?  Maybe some yoga?  Who knows.  But what I do know – I’m 35, this is MY year, and I get to do what I want!